Little Barber Shop of Gundams
by Severine Saret
Summary: The G-boys own a Barber Shop, which in itself should be difficult, but with three teenage girls there, it's darn near impossible.
1. It Starts

Harrumph. I don't own Gundam Wing, though I plan to in the future. *evil grin* Er.I mean.Angela is me, (yes, 'tis my real name.GASP!) Allison and Kelsey are my friendly friends. But you didn't need to know that. So on to the 'fic!  
  
Duo: Ahhh...my lifelong dream...riding in a rodeo.  
  
Quatre: Duo, we're in a barber shop.  
  
Kelsey: And I'm a barber!  
  
Duo/Quatre/Wufei/Heero: AHHH!!!  
  
Ange: No, Kelsey, you want the nice barber's service.  
  
Allison: I wouldn't be here if you were a barber.  
  
Wufei: She'd make a weak barber.  
  
Heero: I'll blow her up!  
  
Duo: Wait a second...  
  
Quatre: What?  
  
Duo: Well I just remembered something.  
  
Allison: Obviously.  
  
Duo: I remembered two things.  
  
Heero: What are the two things, Duo?  
  
Duo: First, where's Trowa? And second, I HATE BARBERS! *hides behind Heero*  
  
Heero: Duo! Get out from behind me---ooo!! DUO!  
  
Duo: Heehee...I couldn't help myself.  
  
Kelsey: Oooooo, now let me try!  
  
Heero: No! No one is pinching me!  
  
Kelsey: I wasn't talking about you. *eyes Duo*  
  
Duo: *gulp*  
  
Quatre: Duo, there is no reason to hate barbers.  
  
Duo: Tell that to Duo.  
  
Quatre: I just did.  
  
Wufei: ONNA BAKA! or...BAKA ONNA!  
  
Duo: Tell Duo again!  
  
Ange: Duo, why do you hate barbers?  
  
Duo: They cut hair...*pats his braid*  
  
Allison: Yeaaah, that's what they usually do.  
  
Quatre: Wait a second...where is Trowa?  
  
Ange: Trowa who?  
  
Allison: Trowa Barton!  
  
Ange: I knew that...  
  
*SHRIEK*  
  
Trowa: *comes running out from the back of the shop, holding his hair* DUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Duo: I DIDN'T DO IT! *hides behind Heero*  
  
Heero: DUO!  
  
Duo: Eep!  
  
Quatre the Peacemaker: *steps between Duo and the advancing Trowa* Trowa, stop! What's wrong?  
  
Trowa: *takes his hand down from his hair...or whatever's left. his whole front spike thingy is gone, along with patches of hair all over his head* That's wrong!!  
  
Ange: And maaaaaan is that wrong.  
  
Quatre: Is that all? Here, sit in this chair. *forces Trowa into chair* Now, let me fix that right up. *smoke puff comes up, various hair tools appear from the puff once and a while.  
  
Ange: Scissors.  
  
Everyone: Oooooooo.  
  
Duo: Comb.  
  
Everyone: Oooooooo.  
  
Heero: Banana?  
  
Everyone: Oooooooo?  
  
Smoke puff: *clears away, revealing Trowa and Quatre with a big smile on his face*  
  
Quatre: Ta-da!  
  
Trowa: *with hair that's back to normal*  
  
Allison: Wow, how'd you do it?  
  
Ange: It's simple. I just shut down part of my brain.  
  
Heero: Not you, half-wit. Quatre.  
  
Duo: Quatre's a half-wit?  
  
Heero: Yes, but that's beside my point. Ange: What is the point?  
  
Duo: Is the point worth pointing out?  
  
Ange: What's the point of pointing out the point if the point isn't worth pointing out?  
  
Duo: Got me, there.  
  
Quatre: It's magic and I'll never tell.  
  
Allison: Dude, we are so not interested in you anymore.  
  
Quatre: *pouts* Fine...  
  
*Silence*  
  
Ange: Moo!  
  
Heero: Something's missing...  
  
Wufei: WEAK ONNA BAKA FREAK GIRL IS NOT HERE!  
  
Ange: Oh my God, he's right! Kelsey's gone!  
  
Quatre: Now, let's remain calm.  
  
Ange/Duo: AHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Trowa: Well you knew that was coming.  
  
Heero: Of course I did. The perfect solider is ready for anything.  
  
Ange: Boo! *jumps on Heero's back*  
  
Heero: AH! MISSION ABORT! SELF-DETENATE!  
  
Ange: *jumps off Heero's back and grins* I am evil.  
  
Duo: Evil with a captial...Evil!  
  
Ange: I am death!  
  
Duo: No, I am death!  
  
Ange: I am the Goddess of Death!  
  
Duo: I am the God of Dea---oh crap! No you're not!  
  
Allison: I'm Shingami Girl!  
  
Heero: No one cares.  
  
Quatre: I'm cheese boy.  
  
Ange: Yes you are.  
  
Trowa: I'm a clown.  
  
Heero: I'm the perfect solider!  
  
Ange: I'm the Goddess of Death!  
  
Duo: I'm the God of Dea---you are not!  
  
Quatre: Shouldn't we be searching for Kelsey?  
  
Ange: Who?  
  
Duo: No.  
  
Heero: Why?  
  
Wufei: She's weak.  
  
Trowa: .....I'm a clown!  
  
Allison: You are not anymore Trowa! Duo found you in the circus in episode #41 and then asked if you wanted to be a Gundam pilot and you hesitated because it would mean the end of your circus career and you really didn't want to leave but then you remembered that you had only joined the circus because you ran away from home and were miserable there so you somewhat happily accepted Duo's proposal, thus giving up your circus life and your life as a clown to pilot a gundam.  
  
Ange: Anybody catch any of that?  
  
Everyone: No.  
  
Duo: She seems to babble a lot.  
  
Ange: Try listening to that every day.  
  
Duo: *gets a look of terror*  
  
Heero: And I thought I was strong...  
  
Quatre: You have my pity...  
  
Wufei: She's weak, but her lungs aren't...  
  
Trowa: I'm a clown!  
  
Allison: *screams* YOU GUYS ARE MAKING FUN OF ME IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I'M SO LOUD!  
  
Quatre: *holds his ears* You could be quiet...  
  
Allison: Quiet? Never heard of it...  
  
Trowa: Surprise, surprise.  
  
Ange: What about Kelsey?  
  
Quatre: I think we should go find her.  
  
Ange: Yeah, she's my only friend! 


	2. The Racoon Mob

Allison: HEY!  
  
Ange: Oh, you too.  
  
Quatre: Let's split up.  
  
Duo: I'll go with Heero!  
  
Ange: I'll go with Duo!  
  
Quatre: Fine. Heero, Duo, and Ange go that way *points* Allison, Trowa, and myself will go this way. *points*  
  
Wufei: What about me? Can I just rest?  
  
Quatre: Of course not. You stay here in case she comes back.  
  
Wufei: YES! TV time! *sits down on couch and clicks on tv*  
  
TV: Do you have social problems because you're homosex---  
  
Wufei: *laughs nervously and ejects the video tape* How'd that get in there? Heh...heh...  
  
Everyone: *stares at Wufei*  
  
Quatre: Er...riiiiight. Stay focused! Move out!  
  
Heero/Duo/Ange: MISSION ACCEPTED!  
  
Heero: HEY!  
  
Allison/Trowa/Quatre: *go this way, points*  
  
Heero/Duo/Ange: *go that way, points*  
  
Wufei: *as soon as everyone is out of sight, he pops back in the tape and sighs* No one suspects a thing...  
  
Allison: *slips on a loose orange and falls on her face* OW!  
  
Quatre: Hm...*pulls out magnifing glass and examines the orange* It's a clue!  
  
Allison/Trowa: Oooo!  
  
Quatre: And...look! It has a giant footprint on it!  
  
Allison: Oh...heh heh, that's from me.  
  
Quatre: Do you know what this means?  
  
Trowa: That wild racoons are raiding our cabinents?  
  
Racoons: *with armfuls of food* You didnt see nutin'! *scurry out window*  
  
Quatre: No...but it does incline me to say, "SCOOBY DOO, WHERE ARE YOU?!"  
  
Allison: Er...Quatre?  
  
Trowa: Wrong cartoon.  
  
Quatre: How about "Jinkies?"  
  
Allison: *shakes head*  
  
Quatre: "Zoinks?"  
  
Trowa: No.  
  
Quatre: "Rooby-Rooby-Roo?"  
  
Allison/Trowa: HELL NO!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Heero/Duo/Ange: *walk out of the barber shop and gasp*  
  
Kelsey: *is staring at the barber shop pole*  
  
Heero: *whispers into his wrist watch, regarding the fact that it is nonexsistent* Enemy spotted...now to take her out! *has gun out and pointed at Kelsey*  
  
Ange: *in slow motion* Noooo!!! *kicks Heero's arm as he shoots, the gun goes flying, and the bullet hits the pole, breaking it and bringing Kelsey back to a sub-consicious state once again*  
  
Heero: MY GUN!  
  
Wufei: *glass shatters as a piece of metal comes flying through the window*  
  
Racoon: *picks up the gun* You didnt see nuttin'! *scurries away*  
  
Kelsey: Woah...I'm dizzy...  
  
Heero: No shit.  
  
Ange: Hey wait a minute...  
  
Kelsey: Yeah, shit's my word!  
  
Ange: No, not that...  
  
Heero: Then what?  
  
Ange: WHERE'S DUO?!  
  
Kelsey/Ange: *scream* *strange noise from nearby pothole*  
  
Heero/Ange/Kelsey: Uh oh...  
  
Racoon: *pops out of pothole* You didnt see nuttin'! *runs into the middle of the road, and gets hit by a truck*  
  
Racoon 2: *dashes out to the middle of the road, kisses the racoon's tail ring, and takes Heero's gun, then runs off*  
  
Wufei: *gets up to get some chips, and when he comes back---* AH!!!!!! *--- the head of a racoon is there waiting for him, which he throws out the window*  
  
Duo: AHH!!! RACOON HEAD!  
  
Racoon 2: AHH!!  
  
Racoon: *wakes up from the dead* AHH!!!  
  
Ange: Duo?  
  
Heero: AHH!!!  
  
Duo: AHH!!!  
  
*screaming continues for a few minutes, in the meanwhile Racoons 1 and 2 pick up the racoon's head and chuck it down the pothole, shout, "you didnt see nuttin'!" and scurry away*  
  
Kelsey: AHH!!!  
  
Ange: Kels, we stopped screaming awhile ago.  
  
Duo: We did?  
  
Kelsey: Shit!  
  
Ange: Aw, what the heck, one more big one.  
  
Ange/Kelsey/Duo: AHHH!!!!  
  
Racoon's Head: *muffled:* AHHH!!!  
  
Ange/Kelsey/Duo: *look at each other, then scream for real and start running around in circles, until they clonk heads in the middle and fall down*  
  
Ange: *rubbing head* Hey, where's Heero?  
  
Heero: *down pothole, stifling laughter*  
  
Duo: No clue. I havent heard him scream for the longest time...  
  
Kelsey: *silent for awhile...then...* BORED! *runs out to the middle of the street and is hit by a truck*  
  
Duo/Ange: *pay no attention*  
  
Kelsey: *road pancake* Uh oh...  
  
Ange: Dont tell me...  
  
Kelsey: I FORGOT TO SHUT DOWN MY BRAIN!  
  
Ange/Duo: *look at each other, open their mouths to scream, then shrug it off*  
  
Kelsey: *is now a puddle of liquid with glasses, eyes, and a mouth* HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!  
  
Heero: *sounds ecoeing in the pothole* SHUT UP! oops...  
  
Duo: *excited* Heero?  
  
Ange: *disapointed* Heero?  
  
Kelsey: ...........HELP!  
  
Heero: Discovered...RUN! *jumps out of pothole and runs into the barber shop*  
  
Kelsey: HE---  
  
Ange: KELSEY SHUT UP!  
  
Duo: Besides, you are already back to normal.  
  
Kelsey: *looks* So I am. *walks into barber shop*  
  
Duo: *stares at the barber shop door* Perhaps we should go in, too?  
  
Ange: Perhaps.  
  
Duo: *doesnt move*  
  
Ange: *doesnt move*  
  
Heero: *runs by in the background, screaming "ABORT! ABORT!" and carrying what seems to be a sack full of oranges*  
  
Racoons: *running after Heero in the background, and looking angry that Heero stole their oranges*  
  
Ange: *without looking at the scene* Seems familiar.  
  
Duo: Yup. 


	3. Animal Noises

Racoons: *take a flying leap and attack Heero from behind bringing him down, and angry squeals of rage are heard as they bite apart the orange sack*  
  
Ange: Wasnt it wolves last time?  
  
Duo: Yep.  
  
Ange: Thought so.  
  
Duo: Perhaps we should go in?  
  
Ange: Yeah. *goes in*  
  
Duo: *follows*  
  
Heero: AHH!!! AHH!!! AH!!! [text messaging, for when you just cant talk--- that commerical where the ferret bites the guy's tounge and he types "SOS" to someone with his AT&T phone, you know the one]  
  
Wufei: *has turned off the TV and is watching the pilots enter*  
  
Door: *bell rings as Duo and Ange enter*  
  
Wufei: Thought you'd never get here.  
  
Kelsey: *is poking the orange on the floor and muttering about aliens ruling the earth through fruit*  
  
Ange: Where are the others?  
  
Wufei: They didnt get too far. *nods towards the three who are in the barber shop bathroom*  
  
Quatre: Intriguing!  
  
*loud SMACK*  
  
Trowa/Allison: *walk out of the bathroom with huge grins on their faces*  
  
Quatre: *also walks out, massaging the side of his face, which is very red* Fine, I'm sure Kelsey wants to hear all about my findings---KELSEY?! Where were you?!  
  
Kelsey: I forget.  
  
Quatre: *looks at Duo and Ange, who shrug, Quatre pouts* So...so, no more detective?  
  
Ange: 'Fraid not.  
  
Duo: *sudden idea* Well, Heero has gone missing, last seen running down the street with racoons on his heels. We need you to go out and find him, and bring him back, possibly alive. Go to it! This message will self destruct in...now! Boom!  
  
Quatre: *gets caught up* All right! I'm ready! I'm ready! *runs outside, shouts, "I'M COMING HEERO!" and starting searching around*  
  
Duo: That got him away...  
  
Ange: I admire your thinking.  
  
BAAAA!!!!  
  
Everyone: *jumps a mile in the air*  
  
Kelsey: THE CHICKENS ARE COMING! THE CHICKENS ARE COMING! *runs around in circles, waving her arms*  
  
Allison: NO ITS THE SHEEP!  
  
Trowa: Must you yell?  
  
Allison: OF COURSE!  
  
Trowa: ...In my ear?  
  
Allison: YEAH!  
  
Trowa: Why?  
  
Allison: I JUST CANT SHUT UP!  
  
Trowa: *eye twitches*  
  
Duo: Heh heh, I have a confession to make...  
  
*all eyes turn on Duo*  
  
Duo: *happy* I make animal noises! Baaaa!!  
  
Kelsey: Chiiiiirp!  
  
Ange: Mooo!  
  
Racoon: *makes racoon noise*  
  
Wufei: WHY ARE YOU MAKING ANIMAL NOISES?! Everyone except Wufei: *points at Duo* He started it!  
  
Duo: Ba?  
  
Kelsey: Chirp?  
  
Ange: Moo?  
  
Trowa: *whispers* What do clowns say?  
  
Kelsey: Squeak?  
  
Duo: Honk?  
  
Ange: Moo?  
  
Duo: Clowns dont say moo.  
  
Ange: Clowns say a lot of things.  
  
Duo: Not including moo.  
  
Ange: They say moo!  
  
Kelsey: Ange says moo.  
  
Duo: Have you ever heard a clown say moo?  
  
Ange: Have you ever NOT heard a clown say moo?  
  
Duo: Tons of times.  
  
Ange: Exactly!  
  
Duo: Exactly what?!  
  
Ange: Clowns say moo.  
  
Duo: *confused* THEY SAY A LOT OF THINGS!  
  
Ange: Including moo.  
  
Duo: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD A CLOWN NOT SAY MOO?  
  
Ange: They always say moo. It's an ongoing thing.  
  
Duo: GAH!! *runs around in circles, flailing his arms*  
  
Kelsey: *starts following Duo in circles*  
  
Ange: *follows Kelsey*  
  
Wufei: NO NO NO! THIS IS AS BAD AS THE ANIMAL NOISES!  
  
Ange: *still running* So?  
  
Duo: *comes to a screeching halt*  
  
Kelsey: *skids to a stop right before she hits Duo*  
  
Ange: *crashes into Kelsey, who in turn runs into Duo*  
  
Duo: *falls down*  
  
Kelsey: *trips over Duo and falls again*  
  
Ange: *remains standing, but sees that everyone else is on the floor so she crumples into a heep next to them as well*  
  
Door: *bell rings as two girls enter*  
  
Duo: *tries to stand up but slips on the orange on the floor and falls back down*  
  
Kelsey/Ange: *stand up with ease*  
  
Wufei: Er...who are you?  
  
Girls: We want haircuts!  
  
Duo: We dont give haircuts we give new used cars.  
  
Heero: Dumbass. Wrong occupation.  
  
Duo: Curse my slow reaction.  
  
Heero: *smacks Duo*  
  
Quatre: So, you ladies want a haircut?  
  
Girl 1: One haircut each.  
  
Girl 2: Yeah, that would be good.  
  
Ange: *is squinting really hard at the two girls* Hey...I know you two!  
  
Allison: WHO ARE THEY?  
  
Ange: *whispers in Allison's ear*  
  
Allison: STEPH AND KACEY?!  
  
Steph (Girl 1): Righto.  
  
Kacey (Girl 2): We are not going to get a haircut any time soon, are we?  
  
Quatre: Of course not.  
  
Kacey: Thought so.  
  
Duo: OW! *rubs the place where Heero smacked him*  
  
Everyone: *glares at Duo* 


End file.
